I'm sure at some point I will become hugely famous. Either for inventing some brilliant device or for committing some horrendous crime against nature (think "bacon cats"). Anyway, once I become famous, the average human will have no comprehension of my strange dialect of English. So, below I've listed some common words and phrases I use along with their definitions. Enjoy!
Asshat: (ăs-hăt)
n. 1. A human being one considers of lower intelligence than him or herself.
2. A jerk, or tool.
Douche Bag/Bottle/Nozzle: (dūsh) (băg)/(bŏt'l)/(nŏz'əl)
n. 1. An instrument for applying a douche.
2. A jerk, tool, or asshat.
Imbetard: (ĭm'bə-tärd')
n. 1. A person that displays a complete lack of intelligence.
2. The result of breeding between an imbecile and a retard.
Functional Retard: (fŭngk'shə-nəl rĭ-tärd')
n. 1. A person that is so dumb, that you question whether they may have ingested lead based paint chips as a child.
2. An individual so stupid, it appears that they may actually be retarded. They are often jovial and glossy eyed.
3. Forrest Gump.
*note - Be careful not to mistake an actual retard for a functional one. Hilarity will ensue, but retard strength is legendary.
Retard: (rĭ-tärd')
n. 1. An actually mentally handicapped person.
*note - Making fun of retards is generally not cool, and can give you bad karma. Making fun of retards is only acceptable if they do something hilarious and their handler is out of earshot.
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